Having a healthy relationship with yourself is the key to having healthy relationships with external processes and people. I currently see clients that use mood-altering substances, food, exercise, shopping, men, women, children, sleep, work and computer games to make themselves feel better. The relationships they have with these ‘fixes’ are stated, by them, to cause anxiety, stress, resentments, anger, fear, pain and shame.
I would challenge that and state the feelings of anxiety, stress, resentments, anger, fear, pain and shame are manifestations based on what message was given to them concerning their inherent worth when they were a child. These ‘fixes’ are then used to avoid the feeling, only to create the greater intensity of them as they are not being dealt with.
Caring for you first will teach you how to care for others, loving you will teach you how to love another and acknowledging your worth will encourage you to see the worth in others. be the person you needed in your life when you were a child, be authentic, love you and show the people you care about how to love them too. Therapy isn’t about being good as you were never bad, it’s about being you as you were never taught how.